Say Wuht?! Happy Halloween!

BOO! HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

I was initially excited to blog about the day we've planned out for immuno-compromised Mio's Trick or Treating at a friend's house today but I'm not sure if the rain will let up. His batman costume from last year won't fit anymore! Gasp! So he asked for a racing suit but it was too expensive and I couldn't find one last minute. I had to improvise and just got him a jacket/ coat and faded gray pants to match his "My Mom Rocks" shirt from SPIN (the one he wore at the concert) and the guitar his Dad got him last year.

On a lighter (or funner note), here are photos from the say Wuht?! Launch last Wednesday at Taverna Verde in Ortigas where Mio Cans were distributed and Mio shirts were sold. The whole event was o fun and Speedy G & Abibay felt so blessed, it was oozing talent all night. Catch their show three times a day @ MTV and their live shows @ Jill's every Tuesday night. They'll keep dedicating their gigs to Mio's fight against cancer because they looooove Mio too :)

 

That's me sporting my new do courtesy of Azta Urban Salon as their new Hair Ambassador while being interviewed by Andi for MTV on Mio Fights Cancer

 
 

Mio shirts sold that evening :)

 
 

Say Wuht?! "Mio Fights Cancer!"

 
 

with Speedy G & Abibay, the hosts of the show

 

Labor of Love

Its 530am and I'm still working. Its been like this for almost two weeks now. I can't say its all boohoo for me coz Mio and I just watched G-Force today (yesterday rather). It was the first time in so many weeks/ months since he's seen the insides of a mall, para syang nakawala sa hawla. Poor child. But he was so delighted, so well-behaved and so giddy I couldn't help take him to the toy store after the first showing which was the doctor's only request besides the mask on at all times when Mio asked his permission if he can watch a movie. He requested for popcorn, of course.

I got him a Ben10 shirt (aside from he obviously wants a souvenir or his first out-of-the-house-or-hospital trip, his tummy's getting big, you know) and I took him to my sister's place so my parents can pick him up while I pick up work from there. I'm working on several press kits, articles and shoots while studying a 200page script for an upcoming project. I had to passby his school and do some errands on the side while doing pullouts simultaneously. Thank God for work. Thank God for helpful friends and partners in all endeavors.

Different groups of friends continue to support us and this week is packed! There's that MTV Launch of their latest show "Say Wuht?!" hosted by our concert openners, Speedy G and Aby Asistio. I'm so excited for them! I was quite surprised to realize that they have actually embraced Mio Fights Cancer as their cause throughout the show so I hope that besides being amused by their wit, beauty, humor and unique talents, you'd find it in your hearts to support them. They're launching in a few hours and I owe them a press kit and a booth to boot.

On Friday, there's Mio mART by my first first baby, Jessica Fernando. It features various artists and is launching their album while proceeds of the evening go to Mio's medical funding. How cool is that?

There's so much more in store but I can't be complacent. I have to keep working. I'm happy though. Really happy. My son is healthy in spite of cancer and we are loved beyond our wildest dreams. I am tired but I just had to share. Your prayers, help and support is indeed taking us on higher ground. Will do as much to do the same. For now, work shmerk! Gotta catch on some sleep soon. I either die of puyat else my parents kill me. I'm still a daughter after all. Hehe.

On that note, I'd like to share one of Mio's drawings. Recently just received his scanned artwork from Alessa Libongco. Ben10, Mommy working and Mio's love UNITE!

Another Day to be Brave

Its never the same.

waiting for Tito Jon to pick us up after chemo

 

I woke up today, like any other day, staring at my child's face. His hands were gently pressed on my face and his leg was on top of mine. His mask fell off while we were asleep from last night. His face is plump and his lips are red. Again, I tell myself, "its not like he's sick at all."

one of those days

Its been a week since I've officially resigned from work but I haven't been at home one day. I'm busier than ever and there's a lot going on. At least I'm spreading myself thinly--evenly might I add between Mio's treatment which includes attending his chemo sessions with him (we're down to once a week starting today! Consolidation stage seems to be the best time of our chemo-lives!), scavenging for his medicine, attending to and supporting cancer-related causes and following up his funding. I haven't even gotten to editting my "thank you" list for those who have helped him but Mommy's been distributing rosaries with Prayer Book guides to everyone, I hope you come across one; Mio's home-schooling -- Teacher Ginny and Teacher Jovinne are busy on their own but they try to see Mio once a week. For the meantime, I try to review him his lessons from the books, relating his "blend sounds" to his daily activities that include watching cartoons, drawing, occasional painting and playing with his toys. While waiting for the doctor, instead of just playing with his DS, I try to coerce him in reading his endless list of spelling words, its hilarious how Mio insists on his own break time in between two pages. I'm also starting to get in touch with one or two home-based accredited home-school programs. I asked Mio what else he'd like to take up besides the usual curriculum and art (given) and he said he wanted to study playing the guitar and golf (?!); and rebuilding my makeup and styling portfolio-studio-contacts so I can freelance to the max! Its the way-to-go if I intend to keep paying for his chemo, buying his daily sustenance, keeping him smart and buying him his toys to keep him happy.

Mio doing his homework while waiting for his turn at the clinic

On that note, however, I find it difficult lately to balance disciplining him when he starts asking for toys one day after another. Its hard to say no to a sick child but everyone ELSE seems to be more than willing to indulge him with his relentless fascination in collecting those admittedly cool Bakugan toys, and then on other days, his speed-stacking skills... its different everyday.

less enthusiastic Mio waiting for his doctor to prep his medicine

Sometimes he'd pop out of nowhere and keep bugging me to "make food" as if I knew how to cook or bake for the life of me. Poor child. Thankfully mixing pancakes and decorating cookies are equivalent to making food for him.

Mio was ecstatic over the weekend, "yay! No more IT on Monday, Mom! Dr. Racho said IV only, the short one. Which hand Mom?" he said that four times in between various conversations. I said, "Yup up to you, Mio." "But I won't get to watch DVD or play my DS in the hospital if fast only Mom." O wow. I think he's starting to miss his hospital visits. Either that or he thinks that's how its supposed to be. "Well, we also have to wait in line for blood test."

O my Lord, he threw a short fit with the stomp of the foot. "No! I don't like that that's owie!" Tears started swelling in his eyes and I was baffled because he doesn't cry when we get his blood anymore! And I go, "Mio? Its just the one on your finger, the one in the lab where they prick your finger, what are you crying about?"

"But that's CBC Mom! Not blood test. Next time, just say CBC." My bad. Who would have thought Mio's five year old vocabulary would include these. He's looking forward to an IT-less Christmas and New Year.  I hope so are you.

post-IT. The last of his groggy days for the next three months at least. This is the "embrace me Mom" part of the procedure.

*IT stands for intrathecal which is the kind of chemo where the medicine is injected on his spine. IT may well be insistent torture for all of us if only to relate to my son's pain.

Hug Me

Its been awhile only because there's a lot going on. I'm happy to report that Mio's been very stable and his hair has been resilient to the new medicines introduced now that we're in the consolidation phase of his treatment. We're still high from last Friday's concert at the Music Museum, as if we couldn't get enough of the love and generosity we experienced with a jam-packed house not to mention a "ridiculous line up of performers" like what our host Sarah Meier-Albano tweeted. We are beyond blessed and there is no reason for us to fret.

Just when I thought Mio was used to the routine we've set for him, just so I can mix it up a bit, I prayed a new prayer from our usual "Jesus, please make the owie go away fast. Make the doctor's hand swiftand gentle..." I told him that "today is another day to be brave. You can do it, anak."

Mio hugs me tight and commands, "hug me now, Mom."

It came as a surprise because my son didn't seem sick or scared at all. At the concert, most of the performers asked where he was and gave their own renditions of their messages of love, support and ultimately reassured us that we are not alone. We never were. Maybe that's why we're not scared of cancer.

I'd like to think that this extends to everyone around us. We're just here if you need us for absolutely anything. If only I can share Mio on a daily basis without risking his immuno-compromised health, I would. If only work could be less demanding...

So with a heavy heart I had to choose and leave that career path behind. I officially resigned from my office last week, packed my bags and left. It hurt to be such a disappointment. I tried for some time to fulfill my employment duties but I find myself too distracted and too laiden by personal stuff, it wasn't fair for the company that I was in and out of the office so frequently. I had to consult friends prior to this decision and I was told I needed work now more than ever. Of course, I know that, I wouldn't want to be begging all my life, you know. There were moms of chemo patients who had to fly back from their work abroad just to attend to their children and have their hubands work like horses. I had to do both. Right now it feels that I am needed at home more than anywhere else and I'm thinking, I was still young, in five years, once Mio is declared cancer-free, I could probably start a new career somewhere. For now, I can put that on hold. Being unemployed doesn't necessarily mean I was going to be jobless anyway. I've been through the freelancing route, I think its just a matter of setting my mind on it. Besides, I've secured quite a win for Mio, its just a matter of time before we nail it. We'll be fine, thanks to you and some others.

So the concert's done. That secures us for until the end of the year. I'm hoping the PCSO thing will follow through soon. I'm so grateful that we had so much help with endorsements, I almost wanted to line up everyone else from the 3am line.

I wanted to hug as many as we can now that all I have are feelings of gratitude and such. In fact, I'm embracing the iCANCERvive camapaign, carry the torch of Iggy Villanueva who passed away just recently. I met him once and yet he has touched me so deep, my 8-year maturity doesn't save me the pain of a mother when I think of him. 

For now, Mio seems to be looking forward to his weekly sessions with funny Teachers Ginny & Jovinne as well as our spelling list of numbers, people, community places, questions and modes of transportation. Just yesterday he had to fill in the blanks '--ute'. The picture showed a duck playing a flute with notes coming out. Mio changed the 'u' to an 'o' and wrote "note". Oo nga naman.

Today is the first MioMonday and we're giving out iCANCERvive baller IDs to the first guests as well as limited edition notecards from one of the first doodles of Mio. View some more of his doodles as the start of marvelous artworks by renowned artists (surpirse who! check it out in November, we're showcasing them in Gallery 7 Eastwood). You can check out http://miotheartist.blogspot.com for more details :)

On that note, here's a hug from "Mio's Mom" to all of you. I hope you're having a happy MioMonday like we are here at Pino. :)

I'm Going Out & I'm Scared

Gigimmick ako will be with Mio the whole time. I'm going out with my son and it's a date! There's so much hard work and heart put into tonight's concert, I'm not even worrying about how its gonna turn out. I have no expectations except that we will be surrounded by people who have supported us and pray for us, its gonna be a rally talaga.

I remember at one point in Mio's early years I put my foot down while watching him do his first sit up and flip through my Da Vinci book, "Mio will be great when he grows up. He will be helping people and he will be a good person, smart and handsome." It didn't take so much growing up for him to do that. I am officially a stage mother to a reluctant super star. Look at his picture blown up at foot of the stairs of Music Museum! Oh I hope all of you can come see him tonight and enjoy the show friends and friends of friends have prepared.

My brother-in-law, Mike Manalo in collaboration with PJ Lanot & Alessa Libongco's t-shirt team came up with this shirt! Its a limited edition Mio Fights Cancer shirt in S, M, L & XL to encompass all female and male sizes to be sold at P300 tonight at the concert. We're putting up donation boxes for Ondoy as well, Mio Cans & a booth to sell iCANCERvive stuff. Please do drop by for the many stuff we have prepared.

Thank you Jesus for good people.

I'm scared. My tummy is going topsy turvey. Not because I'm not sure its gonna work out, we're beyond blessed as it is. Its just that I'm going out doesn't just speak for tonight's activities. I'm going out, out of my comfort zone (like I'm one to be too conventional, really), out of a really good place. It was bound to happen and I'm not sure how to break the news, but they already probably know already. Geeez.

Anyway, we'll see you all later :)

Superheroes

"Today is another day to be brave."

Mio is getting stronger and smarter by the day, as if cancer was just a cough or a cold. He frequently asks, "when are my teachers coming? Can I study now?" He keeps tabs of his medication by like saying, "Mom is today Tuesday? Am I suppose to drink the yucky medicine today?" "Mom I took medicine after breakfast but I woke up late, how will I take my medicine three times today?" "Mom, can you ask Dr. Racho if I can go to Meg's condo on Sunday? Is it ok?"

I'm not complaining. I have no reason to. With Ondoy and all happening to Filipinos everywhere. I'm lost and I don't know where to start so I can help. I was told other people are helping anyway I should just focus on Mio. I was neither prayerful or charitable. At the back of my mind, I always believed in the goodness of other people and mine. I didn't have a lot so I had that excuse that I can only give my time and my energy or talent. All that is devoted to my son these days--or myself. And I feel sooooooooo selfish. I did some prayer-related work and some charity-directed stuff back in school because I knew I can.

My sister and I would roll our eyes on Sundays when our Mom would give us the guilt-trip on going to mass. Ate said she was always scared of not going to heaven since she was a kid so she hardly skipped the Liturgy even if sometimes she wanted to. I, on the other hand, actually did enjoy going to mass. I like singing along the choir (I was even in one for most of my childhood), I liked reading the Gospel and thinking of how it relates to my daily life since I can remember going to mass willfully. So truly, I had that kind of -- faith? Obedience to obligation?

I say the same thing to Mio. I never, or at least haven't, taught him the Our Father, Hail Mary or Glory Be. But we have been praying every night we get the chance to; I ask him if he has when I don't get the chance to lie down on his bedside and I let him pray his own prayers.

Last week, on one of those nights after chemo, the routine dialogue went something like--

Mom : lets pray

Mio : (sign of the cross)

Mom : Dear God, thank you for this day. Always make Mio a good boy (which is the start of the evening prayer our Mom taught us) Please bless our loved ones and those who take care of us....

do you know who takes care of us?

Mio : Andad, Anmom, my titos, titas, cousins, friends, yayas, ninongs, ninangs.... who else?

Mom : everyone Anak. And pray for those who need it most. Say thank you for everything you received. What are you thankful for?

Mio : thank you for making me sleep so I didn't feel the needle... thank you for making the owies go away.

Mom : And may tomorrow be a beautiful day.

AMEN.

I'm not a superwoman. I don't write these things knowing fully well what to impart. I have to battle with thinking twice if I'm sounding too preachy, if I'm too self-absorbed or if I'm actually being honest.

I try to be. And I was told many times that they cry again and again reading through these. I never meant to draw tears. I didn't even expect help. But I am probably just too damn lucky to deserve this. Or Mio is just a really important angel sent from above to watch over us.

You don't even know how smart he is, for all you know I can be making this all up. For those who have met him, he probably hasn't even said more than three words to them. You don't even live with the comfort of his squeeze and his random i love yous while wrapping his arms around my hips.

I look at my son and he doesn't look sick at all. He eats like a horse and his cheeks are as big as when he used to gargle 24/7.  He orders his pasalubong for the day the way I tell him to take his medicine everyday. I look at Mio and I wonder how in the world is he sick?

My Mom never lost the "I told you so" jabs since I got pregnant with Mio (or actually--way before that) and hopefully I heard the last of it before Mio was diagnosed of cancer. I never saw it coming and inasumuch as I am confident that cancer doesn't happen because of something someone did or did not do, I couldn't help recall my frustration when I was sitting in the rheumatologist's clinic being amused at how modern her version of the hanging man looked instead of reading the worry in her face while she examined my son's entire tiny body when all I was asking about was his ailing foot.

I overlooked Mio's pale lips thinking that he was just really fair than most people, than me. And most of the time I bombard him with kisses which probably make his lips red everytime I saw him. I dismissed his weight thinking that I was thin most of my life since childhood. That's guilt right there.

I take so much joy in teaching him his task sheets in between chemo days. I should have done that a long time ago. The daily hard stuff, I'm putting on hold. I should have done that a long time ago, too. But no one's blaming me. In fact, I'm held as a superwoman these days.

My son and all other kids suffering this illness are those who are super. I had to have my pimples injected two weeks ago (not because I'm vain coz they were insanely huge and they tend to grow into boils)  and I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. What a shame. My son goes through seven injections and that's not even the worst when you compare him to other children.

I visited Iggy, a 20 year old collegiate basketball player suffering with AML. Actually, I visited his mom, Beng. His platelet count was down to four and the hallways of St. Luke's bone marrow transplant unit looked like a college hallway. I couldn't help it. Feeling for Beng. I only had a chance to wave at Iggy from the glass window and he had so much joy and strength beneath his bald hair, pale lips and those dull dark eyes that only said "smile, fight." Do us another favor while Mio's ok. If you happen to chance upon a really cool baller band or cellphone charm in black with orange, purple, pink or yellow print that says iCANCERvive, please get one and help Iggy. He has creative friends too.

We all have friends. We all have kids or quotable quotes for the day. And we all have some kind of cancer. Have I said that already? Mine lately is this shame I have about not being able to be the best person I used to be at work--because I'm hardly there. Never actually. I try to do some work out of the office, I was used to doing that anyway. It doesn't sound super to my bosses I'm sure. O yeah I work. I try to get some work done. I try to accomplish something and make some money besides the gifts given us. Promise.

I've been staring at my writing for hours. I haven't blogged for a week. My thoughts are all over the place and aside from gratitude, I am apparently still confused. My son is getting better. So why again?

Because no one's super until we try. Or we're forced to be. Forgive me if I take it off sometimes, the superhero suit. But I have to be brave. Shame on me if I don't coz our children are.