Resolutions

Year in year out I've been blogging about what I could have done and what I missed out and swear I wouldn't once the next year kicks in.

This year though, all I could think of is what help we've had and what opportunities we had this year. 2009 marked such a good year of capping off a good career with Summit Media, starting a kick as job at SM Department Store and returning to the freelancing field with a bang with a movie project, editorial and studio projects in store as well as a teaching position at John Robert Powers. I'd like to think that help comes to those who like to help themselves and that's exactly what I'm thankful for--that I'm never without the will to work hard for as long as Mio and my family are ok.

Mio's growing up to be a fine boy, in spite and because of cancer. His father's presence in our life last year has only made him wiser and stronger and proved that our love for each other is nothing compared to any adversity or doubt we could face. His grades in school were astounding and he has gained more friends than ever--even online! Its amazing that my son has become an instrument in many ways.

2009 is great. And 2010 can only get better. Thank you everyone :) Happy happy new year!

Counting Our Blessings on ANC's Shoptalk

Would like to share such a heartfelt interview in line with the holiday cheer :)


click here!








then here.





and here too please!





thank you!

Bubble Boy

Its the work week post-Christmas and I'm up at 6am in my work studio precisely to get started with finishing that long overdue article. I'm packing my pullouts and my own laundry in between, thank God I have Mio's yaya to make breakfast and clean the studio while everyone's still asleep.

I checked Mio's homeworks. All done. For Math and English at least. I have to figure out when I can submit these to his tutors and the ones for his former school to credit and get more of those for the coming quarter. 

I found Mio snuggled in an odd position. I whispered to him to lie down properly and found that he had reached out for his mask. He lightly budged and scratched his eye. Uh oh. He had excessive morning glory all over his beautiful lashes that seemed to me, were thinning out last night.

I took him to the bookstore last night because he wanted a book and I told him he can get one from the ampaws he got from christmas. In case you're wondering, I buy him a toy worth 5-10% of whatever money he receives directly. He puts his money in his Spongebob wallet (and its filled with crisp 20s!) the rest I tell him I put in the bank.

My bubble boy is slowly craving the lifestyle of a normal five year old. He actually asked if he can get his own PS3 when he turns 6 and if he can fly a kite on Boni High with his cousins and friends again then. That's a good four months from now but he's looking forward and planning it. He's like that. He maps out a schedule in his head. Like last night while taking his medicine he asked, "Mom will you tell me which ones are for not Sundays? Coz yaya only showed me the ones for Sundays." He was referring to his durog medicines. Mercaptopurine for weekdays, a whole to a half tablet once everyday from Monday to Saturday and four tablets of Methatrexate on Sundays. I think we lost a banig of Dexamethasone so I have yet to ask Dr. Racho if the last two doses of it, I should make up for or repeat the whole five doses altogether. Gosh.

My bubble boy is slowly suffering the small signs of his medication's side effects. Our doctor friends say he might be suffering a mild case of sore eyes since its not itchy or tingly, but its excessively watery nonetheless even when he's not asleep. His mouth sores are gone and what with his fascination with gum lately, I've been constantly reminding him to brush and gargle his teeth. I've been coughing myself and self-medicated to take anti-biotics so as much as I refuse to not hold my son's hand, he has to frequently ask for alcohol to be rubbed on his hands to make sure that I don't transfer germs to him! Me. His own mother. Gah.

My bubble boy's sleeping habits are back at ungodly hours granted that Santa Claus has stopped rewarding him for sleeping early since after Christmas. I think I'm dealing with one too many things besides the enemies but I had to check again...

"Mio, do you remember the time when we were at the hospital?"

"No. It was tagal na e. But I wasn't used to it yet."

I can't imagine what his memory is but I do know he remembers. He just can't describe how it felt, I guess. I can't keep him in a bubble all the time, you know. But I really fear for intensification, I'm calling out to the high heavens everyday that the little things---like his muta, my coughing and his mood swings get out of the way.

Although, if these were the kind of problems we'd have to deal with, I'd take them all back gladly just to save him from worse conditions.

After coming from the bookstore, with his Cars book in tow, I asked my friend to carry our bags instead and handed her the book Mio was lugging as well. I felt Mio dragging the weight of his body as we walked so I picked him up to carry all the way through. There was one instance before he asked me to do that but with so much in hand by myself and the entire day spent standing doing makeup, I had to beg off and we had a petty fight. This time, I guess we were both delightfully surprised because as soon as he caught my shoulders to embrace when I picked him up, he looked at me with those smiling eyes (with that mask covering his face 24/7 I can already tell smiling eyes from funny eyes) he said, "I love you Mom."

On second thought, I don't think I'll be popping that bubble anytime soon.

P

Photos by Mike Manalo at the 2nd Under the Sea themed birthday party of his youngest cousin, Moira.

The Average Female

Have you seen this month's issue of Mega Magazine? Mio and I are featured there in a two page article. This is the original text I thought I'd share, its the unedited one of the one printed out and its the same article I shared with my relatives in our annual Mendiola newsletter. Basically, its our way of showing how most, if not all families are quite similar yet unique for each member or unique to those in their respective families. I hope you like this read.

Clichés bear truth for as long as there are people who are living testimonies to them. 

The life cycle of an average female begins when her father sets his eyes on a dream that his girl will fly on butterfly wings with a man just as worthy as him of her love.

I was born the youngest to a brood of five in a humble home with a family history worthy of a telenovela like any other family out there. My story wouldn’t be any different from yours, except that mine is probably the same as yours, intertwined with hers, with a bit of theirs and a little of everything of the others on so many levels.

The life I dreamt of when I was a little girl was a vague picture of an ideal course of events that would eventually lead to something close to what I believed (up to this point, mind you) was the epitome of how life should have been, that of my parents’. They were raised by equally good parents, each growing up with unique sets of closely knit siblings, studied in good and value-formative schools, met like it was fate, fell in love, got married, raised a home and continue to work for their money the best and most honest way they could.

Being the youngest, my dad spoiled me like I was his princess. And time and again, regardless of the things he tried hard to buy for me just because he saw it in my eyes each and every time I wanted something so bad, he was also the first to tell me that that we cannot get everything that we want in life and that I shouldn’t be one to be led to expect and end up frustrated about things that were not meant to be. A cliché I grew accustomed with was not crying over spilled milk. And so screwing up the meeting the right person part of my ideal life cycle was one thing I did not fixate on. In all fairness, I’d like to think that my adolescence was filled with butterflies in my tummy whenever someone took notice of me and would pay attention. I guess I did it right at first, like in all things, but not all things end the way we’d like them to.

I’ve fallen in love—time and again if I may add. That part I did so well and might never surpass. I skipped a phase—the getting married part. Or so I believe at this point because I had no choice but to raise a home, work like a horse and make a living for a little boy who was nowhere close in the life I’ve painted in my head when I was a little girl.

I had four years to grow up and be the kind of woman that is every bit like you: the daddy’s girl, the naive high school drama queen, the oh-so-devoted mother and ultimately, lately, Mio’s Mom.

Taking care of Mio is a piece of cake. I raised him to be wiser beyond his years, wiser than myself even. It feels like I’ve custom-grown a boyfriend. Admittedly, I had to do my growing up simultaneous to his, it almost feels like this was the life cycle I was meant to take in the first place.

My five-year old son, Mio wasn’t born to a young couple so in love that they’d manage to live through an average life cycle. He was born to me, a young single mom who had to simultaneously fall in and out of love, find odd jobs and fulfil a thirst for things beautiful and meaningful while raising him. I was unintentionally taught by the most important man in my life that the disappointments in life do not equate to heartaches. They come in waves because they’re the most that the grace of a child can carry on their butterfly wings. I may not be a child anymore but I have one. I have one, who in his tender years has proven to be capable of a kind of love above and beyond what my Daddy could have ever wished for.

They say cancer happens to the best of us (or I think I did was the one who said that) and that it happens to those who can afford it. That one I initially thought I’d disagree with because we weren’t well off at all. Yet cancer still happened to Mio. The word “leukaemia” is overwhelming as it is. Acute Lymphocytic Leukaemia sounded worse. Being a Mom, I’d like to think that I have developed an inclination, a kind of instinct that most moms have. I kind of knew given that his initial work up recommendations from the pedia and rheumatologist were all directed to ruling out blood disorder after realizing his recurring joint pains could be more than just that. So much for instinct, I felt so guilty in taking long to realize my son was sicker than I thought he was. It still hit me hard when the news came to me. Although Mio’s kind of cancer isn’t as big compared to other forms of cancer, the fact that MY child was suffering such a terrible illness was too much to bear.

I thought I had my fair share of trials in life at such an early age. Then again, it wasn’t about me anymore. I wasn’t the same little girl getting frustrated over MY spilled milk. My son, who still drinks milk, is dealing with enemies in his own body, that’s how I told him. My five-year old boy who’s concern only had to be play time, friends and obeying Mommy had his own monsters and would have to replace schooling with hospital visits; Mio had to go through physical pain every other day; he had to get used to wearing a mask like his life depended on it—my not-so-average little boy will in fact live a not-so-average life after all.

It’s been two months and he’s on top of his game. Cancer doesn’t seem to be so big after all, what with all those who are helping us. What with such a loving family. What with all the non-traditional life cycles surrounding his predicament, I believe this average female was equipped to fight childhood cancer and win it. I believe that my life was mapped out to become so, in order that there will be endless possibilities in making ends meet and provide for the most worthy man of them all, just as the trials and cycle skipping seemed pointless, it all boils down to this.

Looking at my son now, he doesn’t look sick at all, a far cry from two months back. It’s still a mystery to me how cancer could affect us. All the more how our battle against cancer can affect others. It’s surreal but I’m not complaining. My son seems to be coping well, there’s absolutely no reason for others, me most especially to fret further. His gentle ways are supplemented by strong life lessons that I never thought we’d learn along the way. Mio’s strength is bigger than my fear; his fight is winning by a landslide and is beyond anything we have ever dreamed of.

Ultimately, cancer has become a blessing in disguise. There may be things I had to let go off along the way, like an upbeat social life, some trivial issues, some aspirations and a thriving career in a prominent company. Void of resentment, the only thing that I had to prioritize is to ensure my child’s healing and I needed money for that. But money is just that. Money. I had no room to whine over that because I wasn’t raised to put such value for it (at a fault) but every time I felt it was difficult to carry this burden on my shoulder, more blessings came rushing in. More people kept helping and our hearts have opened up to all forms of love from all walks of life.

My story is not without my child’s fight against cancer. My story is indeed concert-worthy (thanks to friends who organized one just weeks ago). My story is ours. It is a woman’s plight void of a man’s presence, only that of a child; it is a story of family, hope and generosity. It is a story of leading lives to the fullest no matter how young or old. It is a story that tells of a child’s strength, whether from the eyes of a loving father, a dreamy-eyed little girl or a five-year old boy fighting cancer. That’s one too many stories so I guess our telenovela will go in parts of a series. The goodness of man may well be the theme of this non-traditional life cycle.

  

  

 reunions with our respective clans over the holidays--the Mendiolas and the Cocals. And our mini Cocal-Mendiola brood.

 The point is not the story, actually. It’s the reason and the manner by which we have coped so far. I guess life is not without disappointments. But the disappointments in my life have turned me into the most beautiful butterfly I could ever be. One with broken wings and varied colors. I can only be too grateful that my son accidentally walked in my life. It may have been thought to be a disappointment to my Daddy and Mommy but I’m pretty sure that having had the chance to be blessed with such a beautiful boy, the love and blessings that came with him and his illness, are all opportunities for us to remain humble, loving and more than we could ever have hoped for—nothing remotely average.

Words and Makeup by Jasmine Mendiola 
Photos by Christine Clemente
Hair by Azta Urban Salon
Mio's clothes from La Playa

Counting Our Blessings

I just wrapped up Mio's Enopi worksheet for tonight. I promised him he can play 5 songs on rockband before going to bed if he did homework. He also got to eat gum twice today. The first one was under the condition that he'd eat dinner and the other was that he'd brush his teeth after. He also asked if I could clean his ears. You see, he's quite addicted to the sensation of his ears being poked at. That's my fault, I think. I used to put him to sleep when he was a baby just cleaning his ears. Or maybe he got that from his Tito Jon who taught me how to clean his ears as early as when I was eight years old. I'm that good apparently. I gave in under the condition that he washes from head to toe when we get home and that I cut his nails (to the studio, since I have work here again tomorrow).

Lately, I've had to bargain so many things with Mio because its so hard to argue with him. Its a curse on most days that he's so smart, I can't get away with just asking him to obey. It doesn't make sense to him if I say that without proper justification. Barter trading seemed to be the easiest way to tell Mio how things should be done without either of us throwing a fit.

Yes. We've been throwing a fit at each other. He's five and he's going through chemo. I should be the bigger and more mature person. I just feel helpless having to balance disciplining my growing child in spite of the indulgences he's been receiving left and right. He knows that toys are expensive and that his medicines are more important, but sometimes, what do you expect from a five year old who has to think twice his age--even four times his age and is acting with much diligence when it comes to dealing with such an illness? He's really making it easy for everybody, sometimes I think he deserves to be demanding and irrational sometimes. The sometimes gets to me. So I go back to counting our blessings instead.

Mio's received countless and priceless gifts that are literally too many to mention. There are rosaries and holy water bottles from other countries sent and dropped off his doctor's clinic, money from Singapore and Dubai delivered to us, anonymous envelopes passed on to us, toys from all over and collected notes from his previous schools... I wanna cry just thinking about how many people love my son, I owe them to be patient with him at least.

I watched him count his fingers while he was adding for his seatwork and I found myself holding back tears in my eyes. How wonderful is it that average parents get to marvel at the miracle of their child learning and growing on his own, looking back at how beautiful those tiny fingers were and how long and agile they are now... while here I am fearing for my son that the nails on those fingers won't grow out for quite some time now precisely because his dead cells and normal cells are about to be attacked if only to ensure that his cancer goes out the window for good.

Just sometimes, the idea of Mio having to deal with those side effects, the feelings he has to go through and confuses him and the fatigue that he feels with just a little activity may hurt him. His youngest cousin had a small pinyata awhile ago for her second birthday, Mio collected so much candy (that he won't eat) and after five minutes of just picking candy from the floor he says, "I'm tired!" so exhaustedly the other people just laughed. I take those things seriously and ask him to sit down. Poor son.

But then again, I go back to thinking how richly favored he is.We got this for Christmas you see.

A very generous family bought this watercolor artwork by CJ De Silva at the StART With Mio exhibit. I fell in love with it the first time I saw it, I've been keeping this photo as my wallpaper in my cellphone. It draws me to tears just thinking of how each stroke was made with so much love and affection for my child and how his laughter (not to mention my obviously way-too-nicely-depicted bossom) was drawn and captured in this artwork. I am honored and utterly grateful. In fact, all the artworks I'd love to have if only I can afford them. But I'm glad most if not all have had their first purchase, I hope the rest of the prints are bought to for the artists. 

There are so many things I'm thankful for in spite of and because of but I wouldn't want to brag any further. These pictures remind me of how blessed we have been and I hope we continue to be able to inspire and do all of you a favor somehow, eventually out there, Mio and I will make your Christmas just as cheery as ours have been the past months because of you. It truly is a season of love and giving. Thank you....

  

somebody's tired....

 

  

thank you to those who continue to support Mio Mondays...

 

to ALL those people who've participated one way or another

 

(the Navi's almost sold out at some bookstores, thank you to those who bought their copies)

 
 

to those who patronize and believe in my craft and help Mio by providing me work...
 

and to those who just drop by and help without asking anything in return...

 
 

and most especially, thank you to the family who help me take care of Mio. Thank you for the love and for forever embracing us in your loving care.

 

His chemo in January is aggressive and will hurt but we're facing it with a brave heart because all of you make us strong. Please continue praying for Mio as he goes through this. Thank you.

Mio's Wishlist

Dear Santa,

Thank you for the small gifts you've been putting in my sock at Mom's studio everyday when I sleep early. My Enopi teacher, Teacher Dean told me you like cookies and milk for Christmas Eve so I had Mommy buy you Cream-O (I think she has chocolate Oreos though, I hope you like those) and Skim Milk. The coloring books and the Voltron DVDs are so fun! I've been practicing sleeping early since :)

Here are the other things I told Mom to write to you:

I have a Bakugan collection and I still don't have : Mantris, Saurus, Monarys, Hynoid,. Garganoid, Siege, Fortress, Worquake, Blade Tigrera, Ravenoid, Tentaclear, Griffon, Robotallian and Harpus.

Mommy doesn't know which is which so please ask the man at the toy store for those. My Ninong Shred and Andad bought me containers for them already, thank you :)

I've also been so thankful that Tita Clems has been sharing her playstation with me. I was wondering though if you could add another controller so we can play a racing game and a DJ Hero (coz her guitar for the Rockband isn't working, we only get to sing while I play the drums -- and I'm on the medium level already! Averaging 86%!)

 

  

  

I hope I'm not asking too much, I know there are other kids who don't get to have so much toys. Mommy always reminds me that the money and all the gifts we receive is for making the enemies in my blood go away and I think its working! This christmas has been the best christmas ever, its like christmas everyday :)

Thank you so much! Mommy was counting our blessings on ANC Shoptalk and they got me on the phone to talk on TV. Maybe you can watch her on Monday, Dec. 28 :) We couldn't afford a christmas tree at home (and Mom says it might collect so much dirt anyway, that's not good for me) so I'm drawing one for everybody.

Merry Christmas Everyone! And thank you so much for all the gifts I've opened!

Love, Mio

Christmas Songs

Mio's been humming along with her Tita Clems everytime he sees the big christmas tree in Eastwood whenever he has tutoring for Math in those lazy weekday afternoons. His cheeks are smaller now, much like how he looked prior to chemo but he's healthy, no worries. He's been receiving loot bags and gifts from everywhere, its his best christmas I think. We've also been sneaking in "Santa Claus" gifts in his christmas sock whenever he sleeps early when we realized that he keeps staying up late waiting for me to finish work. His immune system is ok now but it worries me to death that him being so high on his current medication tires him easily. An hour's drive easily exhausts him, I can't plan to take him out somewhere less polluted in fear of his recurring mood swings and boredom. That's what he's sick of actually, its draining the patience out of me.

The holiday cheer isn't as cheerful as it I have imagined with all the work and weddings this month but as long as Mio is doing well, its a merry merry christmas all year long. Speaking of cheerful songs, Notecracker's Melomanila CD compilation of their original songs were given out as a company give-away and proceeds go to Mio as their christmas gift to him (by the company and by Notecracker! wow!) Thank you! His christmas tree drawing is used in CD cover, check it out :)

Merry Christmas Everyone! Hmmm hmmm hmmm....

Post Exhibit

Overwhelming. Captivating. Mio picked his favorites. Thank you to those who came, who bought an artwork and to those who helped Alessa. Thank you so so much :)

 

 

Check out the Gallery's photos here. StART With Mio's exhibit will be on display until the 21st of December at Gallery 7 at the 3rd floor of the new Eastwood Mall. Hope you can drop by and post your own drawing. There are post card sizes of Mio's seed drawings you can draw on and post on the wall too. Game! Thank you :)

StART With Mio

The Mendiola clan (ours at least) have an annual reunion (aside from our year-long events like the Pabasa, Undas and Sunday get-togethers that I hardly get to join. Boo). The reunion takes place during Christmas, the day after our late Inang's birthday. Its special to us, all the way from my Daddy's siblings, down to us cousins and our children. I'd like to think this i precisely the reason why we have a closely knit family because the bigger clan is already close that way, what more the small unit families. Its unique really. We have binggo, games and paagaw! We also share a Newsletter updating each other of the whereabouts of each family's family members since some of our relatives have settled in the States and in other countries. Not to mention the size of the clan! We're 80+ and counting! And we're all really close. No kidding.

This year's newsletter theme was decided on earlier because it takes so much time to follow up articles from relatives (mine included). Fitting enough, the theme chosen was "rennaissance" like it was a foreshadowing of the kind of ephiphanies we'll have this year since Mio had cancer.

I haven't really gotten into details of how I'll go about with my article, but what's for sure is that I've decided on an angle that relays a parallelism on Mio's current plight to how it was when he was born.

I haven't gotten around to thinking of it well, what with all the things I'm thinking of (a mile per second, I was told) including tomorrow's exhibit. And then boom! What a coincidence that its called StART With Mio. Incidentally, its overwhelming to realize how one small doodle of a child can be a seed drawing to a masterpiece. Ten even and more! Its such a delight to have a preview of the artworks that will be put on display in Gallery 7, Eastwood Mall tomorrow, I can't wait to see the actual canvasses. I hope you come see it for yourselves :)

I'm really hoping that in one way or another, Mio's tender life experiences plant a seed of hope to those who are going through the same or a similar illness; a seed of love to those who have for long been harboring ill feelings; a seed of charity to those who need it and in the hearts of those who may need an ounce of generosity (coming from a beggar, its enlightening to find peace and a sense of belongingness when a stranger takes you in their hearts and leaves a penny worth more than a gesture of love--its breathtaking how a gesture of kindness to one who needs it instigates a life-long cause to do the same and so much more); plant a seed of happiness to those who have the privilege of witnessing such marvelous works of art and owning one, coveting a masterpiece that speaks a thousand words and reaches out to a hundred of hearts with a number of strokes.

Its pure genius how this project unfolded, I cannot begin to describe how wonderful and talented my friends have been for extending theirselves to Mio this much. Please share in  a small banquet of cocktails and good cheer since its the holidays. We'll be there not just for Mio but to celebrate art in all its splendor! I sound so prolific with the words I use only because I sincerely do LOVE LOVE LOVE the results, I am excitedly anticipating tomorrow's launch. Please come support :) If you can't drop by tomorrow, the exhibit will be on display until the 21st of December. Please do drop by Gallery 7 in Eastwood before we move it to the other branch, especially for those who live nearby.

How about you? Won't you stART something too? StART a hobby, an advocacy to support Filipino art, or to help kids with cancer, or simply start giving gifts that truly matter! We've received our gift way back in August, all I can ask for is for you to continue praying. And it stARTs with a little creativity and lo and behold, Mio.

Indecisive Much

Mio has singaw!

It shouldn't be anything alarming because I was told of this side effect but that's it. The side effects are taking place and I'm scared the hair might fall off soon. I'm still getting him a haircut soon though, still not kalbo as he refuses to but he knows soon he will be because of the medicine.

Another thing the medicine seems to be doing to him (besides the singaw, loss of appetite and mood swings) is his indecisiveness. One day he doesn't like super heroes, last night he decides to switch his spongebob pencil case for his tin canister case of Justice League; yesterday he decided he didn't want to go to Miguel's birthday in spite of being so excited for it the entire week, then two hours after he remembers he'd get a loot bag and his cousin Meg goes all excited at the thought of a party, he suddenly wants us to change our entire afternoon plans and go. My sister asks, "bakit ba palit ng palit ng utak yang anak mo?" and all I had to tell her was:

"Nagke-chemo ka ba? Pwes, none of us will ever know why. Isipin nlng nating yun yon."

It sounds funny now but again, its the least of my worries. Its just hard to deal with amidst the chaos of daily living. Especially when he cries so hard over stickers. My god. Its like I took off his organs, for the life of me. He cries like it hurts so bad only to realize that oh. He's highly emotional tonight, that's all. Its quite hard to decifer and I can't shrug it off as something tiny. Not anymore, I learned my lesson the hard way. But again, I think I'm going through chemo just the same, having a hard time deciding if I should get all the toys he asked ME to write in his wish list letter for Santa Claus (thank goodness most of his god parents voted for me to give in to the "there is a Santa Claus!" childhood craze, I almost actually never have wanted to "mislead" Mio into believing something that's not real except that I can argue too that he's real as far as faith is concerned.). If I were Santa Claus I would coz he's been more of a good boy than I imagined he could be but I'm his Mommy so I have to level his expectations when it comes to recieving toys. But heck. He has a new toy everyday from somebody randomly anyway. How hard is that to deal with! Discipline is out the window whenever I can't manage those things. Mio once said, "Santa's rich noh?"

That's what you think, kid.

Another indecisive moment is if I'll join the last MioMondays dinner tonight. I'll be there for sure but I'm not sure if I'll pay a thousand for my son's chemo (a thousand's a lot ah!) but its for MY son's benefit anyway :) what makes it so hard is that Pino has prepared a whole new menu for it! Check it out!

 Pumpkin & Carrot Soup with Bleu Cheese Croutons

Tofu Shiitake Teriyaka Salad with Pork Cracklings

Prok & Shrimp Lemongrass Skewer

Cream Dory on Wilted Spinach with White Chocolate Sauce 

OR

Red Wine Braised Beef with Cream CAbbage on Saffron Risotto

Tempura Oreos with Raspberry Ice Cream & Chocolate Sauce

YUM! I guess that's a yes and I won't have to poll about it? ;p hope to see you tonight!

High

Mio had chemo last Monday. It was quick, it was brief and it was bothersome.

He didn't want to eat anything after and his usually prolonged agony post-injection was instantly gone in a few minutes. I'd like to think Dr. Racho missed him as he reminded us that the next time he'll see us is when all 200 of his former patients, leukemia survivors come together for his annual Christmas party next month. (which my sister generously chose to celebrate my niece, Moira's 2nd birthday in, so we're having a Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday rolled in one with Mio's chemomates!) Next month. Wow. Mio's not due for intensification until February so it indeed is a high, realizing that our holiday season will be pain-free.

Mio shed a tear or two though during the short vincristin injection. For awhile I worried . I forgot that my son isn't superhuman nga pala. He's been a hero for me all this time, what with all the inspiring things he has catapulted the past four months.

(oh but look who's sporting a super hero shirt EVERY freakin' chance he gets... he's addicted to this Ben10 shirt, he INSISTS! that the yayas make sure its out of the laundry so he can wear it right away. Our super heroes however are these people with him, accompanying him in my absence and busy work schedule. Thank God for supportive parents & siblings!)

I''m gearing up for February's intense medication with a "Bring it on!" attitude. Good thing PCSO has granted our financial aid (many thanks to Ruby Laurel, Betty Richardson & Audrey Tan-Zubiri for the assistance in speeding it up), the concert funds pushing through, I'm not worried as much. But since he's on a roll now, I'm taking the chance to be productive and working like a horse while his medication and schooling is manageable. His moods are the worst so far and he's not sick at all. I'm indulging him with everything that he wants and needs, I feel like I'm over-compensating for the lack of my time, what with everthing I have to juggle so I can lay it all out for him when a rainy day comes.

(that's him watching the Bakugan Season 1 I found at one of the bazaars I visited this month to distribute Mio pins and shirts that my bazaar-seller friends can sell too. Yes. Pasalubong. Over-compensation, check. Boo.)

 

I wake up everyday grateful and high on this sense of responsibility. But my faith is on top and I am shouting to the heavens of how ELSE I can make use of ourselves. The blessings never end. I'd rather see it like that than fixate on how the expenses keep barging in, the stress, Mio's unreasonable requests and the anxiety that the slightest speck of bacteria MIGHT cause him to be ill. God forbid.

I come home sometimes or call him on the phone only to be set aside because he's busy playing. I ask the yaya if he's eaten, what time he took his medicine (of which the schedule is more frantic than mine) and endlessly reiterate the kind of food he CAN'T eat, how she should persuade Mio to eat in spite of the lack of appetite, how she's suppose to clean him and remind him to wash his hands like how I taught her.... Poor yaya. Mio would sometimes lash back, "I know already Mom! You're so kulit."

(one of those guilty night outs I indulge him on a date where there's less foot traffic. I'm trying to integrate my frantic work sched with a routine that involves his tutoring sessions near my work studio so I can do precisely this)

I'm so busy, its ridiculous. Its also ridiculous how in spite of this, my son continues to teach me lessons everyday. And I wish to impart them as often as possible. I wish to share an entire year of blessings. I wish for you to be inspired like how Dar and Em have been, enabling them to publish such a beautiful organizer for 2010 called Navi (available in Fully Booked & National Bookstore) for which they capture the beauty of travelling and going places, one they hope for Mio. It was a surprise and a delightful one at that to be told that this one's for Mio :)

 

Please get one and if you do, check your checklist of things to do this year. Mine would be this:

[ ] investing in a good home-school program for Mio;

[ ] maintaining a comfortable and stable amount of savings (which I've failed at so many times with!) so Mio will always be sure to be well taken cared of;

[ ] stabilize work (a more concrete schedule as part-time faculty at John Robert Powers and a well-thought of racket schedule from the production houses and magazines would be great!) schedule so I can integrate facilitating Mio's home-school program and treatments without having to keep asking other people to sub; and

[ ] maybe rest a bit every now and then. My Mom is hysterical when she realizes I haven't slept or winked so much with all the work I have to do.

Come to think of it, these aren't cancer problems. They're just normal problems on a higher cautious ground. I'm counting my blessings....

(watch this episode of Shoptalk on Counting Blessings on Dec. 28, Mio Fights Cancer is featured!)

.... and I'm missing Mio in every heartbeat I'm away from him. So I'm wussing here in this blog because contrary to what he says he feels, I'M the one who feels lonely without him.

(the short time I get to spend time with him in between meetings. Squeeeze!)

I feel so high on so many things, I think I'm the one going through chemo! I hope Mio is in fact well. But the enemies can't beat him even with this tiny tiny fear in my heart. Only because Mio's high on blessings and joy. We hope to see you at his exhibit!